The Happiness Project

On a random excursion to Fully Booked in Boni High Street, my sister and I bought a book called "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin. I just read the first pages of the book (because my sister stuffed it in her bag the next day) but it already sounds very promising. The first important insights that is 1) We create our own happiness and 2) You can be happy NOW.

Gretchen Rubin is awesome! 

I have yet to finish reading through this bubbly book and I'm very excited to learn more about maximizing the little things of everyday to feel happy. This book is such a timely find because both my sister Sassja and I have swore to ourselves that we WILL make 2012 better and brighter. I was so amused when I read that she started her own happiness project on Tumblr!  

The past year was tumultuous and for us there is no way else to go but up. The insights from the book is in sync with the realizations that I've had last year. 

The Unhappy Accounts

I've always had short-fused temper and I ranted more than I raved about life. The past years haven't been exactly how I wanted it to be. After graduating from college, the road towards "greatness" has been a whirlwind of highs and lows. I was constantly angry at the world for being unfair-- for postponing my dream to work in the big bad metro/ granting misfortunes to my family members/ letting my heart get crushed one to many times/ the ill-gotten wealth of other people/ insensitive people/ people who cut lines/ being overworked and underpaid/ and  opportunities that never come.

After a horrific transition phase, I flew back to Manila and joined the corporate world. I felt like I was finally on the right track and that things would be better. I always dreamed of joining the world of meetings, events, business cards, working lunches, and reports. My parents have been in the corporate scene ever since their own graduations from college. Growing up and seeing them busy and looking so smart in their suits and phones always made me want to be like them-- but I never thought it would be more toxic than it already seemed. Though I can say I've been doing a good job at making reports in less than an hour,  conceptualizing/implementing events from scratch, building networks and building their networks, have mastered the art of giving impressive presentations, and have accustomed myself to wearing office clothes (but never liked wearing pumps!) I still HATE the corporate world with a passion. I hate it because it's a thankless industry and you will only be as good as your last event/project. Worse, people who do well will always be the only people who bosses dump work on-- always. 

The Big Shift

A few months ago I found myself lying flat on my bed, agonizing about the world (again) and feeling like I've had enough of the crap that I was taking. I abhorred my work, the people I work for, the people I work with, and the lack of values in the system. I was crying because I was upset that there was so much that I could do for a better cause. I felt like a volcano was about to explode inside of me-- anger gushing out of my nostrils.

I was so upset, I started crying my eyes out-- I bawled like a loon alone in my apartment. I cried so much that I couldn't even breathe. 

When I got tired of crying, I started to pray.

I prayed like I've never prayed before in my entire life. I pray everyday-- but on that day I was pleading to God. I was pleading for my life. 

I prayed for acceptance. Acceptance for things that I cannot change and things that I can still change. Acceptance of the situation that I am in and of my role in it. 

I prayed for compassion. My friend Aila, who has been a beacon of hope and positivism-- always tells me that  in order to address your frustrations about people and situations is to show compassion. You give yourself love. You pray for other people who are hardened by their ill ways. You honor your suffering as you honor theirs. 

I prayed for a renewed life. 

And then I slept... (haha. anti-climactic)

When I woke up I felt like I had a new outlook to life. I felt like I drained all the pain I had inside-- years of struggle and disappointments.

I woke up with a different sense of urgency to CHANGE my situation and to TAKE ACTION. I decided to MAKE THINGS BETTER despite my given circumstance. I decided to LIVE again.  

But mind you, keeping things that way is no easy feat. Things don't magically or radically change overnight. It's a process. It's a continuing process that involves a roller coaster ride of emotions. I had to learn how to eliminate the ill thoughts by continuously purging these emotions in silence. 

I learned to value silence.

I learned to value holding my tongue.

I learned how not to obsess with pessimism.

I learned how to say "NO" to myself.

I learned to value myself more.

My Happiness Project 

In the past months I have realized that my work nor my failures do not define who I am-- in fact, I am supposed to be the one who defines WHO I really am. 

And this blog is who I am. 

I have vowed to write again and to share my own discoveries about the little things, the everyday things, that make life more colorful. That's who I am-- appreciative of the little wonders of life. I've always admired people who can just go out and do things that they know they CAN do that can make a difference. 

My good friend Fonzi has been such an inspiration in being a mover for Sendong relief operations especially in Davao. He was amazed at himself as well for being able to move mountains to help our hometown. In one of his tweets, he said:

I think that's definitely something to ponder on. We look for so many people to move us-- but the only people who should move us would be ourselves. Much like what Mahatma Gandhi said:

 "Be the change you want to see in the world"

Everyday is a challenge to be happy, to make things better, to make every moment significant. 

This is my happiness project, what's yours? :)