The past 40-days of Lent have been one of the toughest emotional roller coaster rides I've ever been on. Raised in a devoutly Catholic family, the observance of Lent has always been an integral part of every year. This year, was more challenging than ever.
Bedlam
The beginning of 2012 has not been favorable to us. The year opened with a sorrowful note as our family had just survived the tragedy that Sendong brought upon us. Lady Luck has also been playing pranks on us with some unfortunate turn-of-events in our lives just a few months after Sendong-- causing us great distress and unrest. The highlight of which is that our apartment here in Manila got ransacked just last month during a time of great need. We find ourselves left with nothing but each other.
When I add up everything that I'm going through (the stressful process of making ends and saving up for my move) plus the turmoil that my family is experiencing, I feel like I'm sucked into a dark vortex of depression. I find myself cursing at the world for such ruthlessness. I find myself crying non-stop harassed for the nth time. Why now? Why all at the same time? Why us?
It's funny. These days, one does not seem to run out of roadblocks on the way to happiness. There always seems to be that negative pull when you're straining to drag yourself to the point of positivism.
Because I know it would kill me more to sulk than sail on, I decided to pray. I decided to empty myself.
Abstinence
I've been keeping random countdowns of my meat-less days on Twitter, but I haven't really explained it thoroughly. Mr. P and I decided to prepare ourselves for Lent by doing a 40-day abstinence from that which we love the most-- meat.
Many might have practiced the abstinence from meat during Fridays, but we decided to take it a notch higher. After all, there is much to sacrifice when there is much to pray for.
I agreed to this sacrifice not just for my own physical well being (as I have been trying to shed off a great number of pounds), but for the intentions that I bring with me for my family.
The process, in itself, a call to action for my own woes in life. By stripping away what has been enjoyed conveniently, one is left to make do with that which is limited.
The first week was a breeze. Mr. P and I found it enjoyable to whip up pescetarian dishes-- carefully picking out ingredients and brainstorming on the best flavors to achieve. It was fun at first-- until the cravings set in. There were too many meats in menus and too many who were doubtful that we would be able to survive.
"Habit is overcome by habit." - Thomas A. Kempis
Habits seem hard to break. Having been an omnivorous foodie for 24 years in my life, the big leap to a different diet felt intimidating at first. However, as the weeks progressed and as I found joy in being able to see the progression of my discipline-- a new habit was formed. They say it takes 21 days to build a habit, but I think it takes more than that.
What made the challenge of not heeding a juicy burger's call was the fact that I was driven by a feverish desire to commit myself to sacrifice. Not only that, I also had a companion who shared the same determination. Mr. P, who is 10x more disciplined than I am, was able to rub off his discipline on me.
I used to count daily-- keeping track of what I ate and what I did not opt to eat during the day. But as I settled in to my new diet and my new found passion, the counting stopped-- and then I enjoyed the ride. I learned how to teach myself to enjoy to be comfortable with what was unusual and experience all forms of acceptance.
The secret to surviving change is to be able to find joy in it-- to develop a certain thirst for innovation and having a purpose in mind. It's amazing how many pescetarian options one has these days-- but we'll get to that later on (in another post).
Rocky Road
By Holy Week, I had already come into terms with the issues that I needed to address. The symbolic purging of one's self of meat has taught me to be more steadfast in eliminating unnecessary emotions around me.
Unfortunately, fate still loves skipping stones on calm waters. Sometime during the Holy Week, another emergency issue to be addressed was thrown at me and I had to ask myself, "when will this ever end?" Thanks to an abundance of good friends and fortunate opportunities, we successfully eased our way out of the situation.
The highlight of my Holy Week was when we participated in Walkway 2012: Reflections on the Stations of the Cross, an interactive station of the cross organized by Church Simplified and Bonifacio Global City. In the hour that we spent reflecting, carrying our own crosses, and pacifying our sorrows, I felt whole again.
Each station and the acts that one had to perform made the activity truly meaningful. I feel a bit disappointed at myself that I wasn't able to elaborate on the matter but one of my favorite bloggers, The Pickiest Eater, shared the unique Lenten experience.
Easter
Easter marked the Resurrection and an end to suffering (that and my no-meat days). It was heartwarming to receive a rowdy and extremely fun phone call from my family back at home (who were also celebrating my parents' 25th anniversary at the beach)-- a reminder that despite the hardships, we still have family to keep us going.
My mamita told me that He does not give one challenges that cannot be overcome. I think about it everyday. I think about my daily struggles and brace myself for the rough road ahead. Like ripples on a once-steady pond, it too shall cease.
